I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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