I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
