I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
