Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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