there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
