He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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