Only a mothe r could love this liver
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
