and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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