dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
