this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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