He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
