On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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