I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wear drunk well.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
