Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize