No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i dont even know how to be here
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.