need another drink. this is the easiest way
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you