Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels