Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY