They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger