He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.