would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
