i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
