I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
