she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
