I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
