it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
