she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
