This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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