He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
