You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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