It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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