I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
