The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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