I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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