I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
