Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
