Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
