Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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