All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
