You smell like a Billy Joel song
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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