marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
