Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
