I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Randomize
