Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
