The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think your dad took our porno
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
