There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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