so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
