dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
