Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
that is very illegal...i love you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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