No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
