so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
