i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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