Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
