Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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