i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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