there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
