She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
