she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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