my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
