How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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