Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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