From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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