True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
