I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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