this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
