tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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