Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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