i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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