Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
