It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
