So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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