Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
