Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
