It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
