on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
