just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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