i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
