that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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