Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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