you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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