So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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