"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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