I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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