Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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