I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
