so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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