Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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