There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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