I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do herpes really smell.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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