I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
