you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
