Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.