I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.