Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How's your threesome situation going?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult