We're facebook friends in real life
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I checked into jail on foursquare
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed