Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
