My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
