I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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